These Times Are Hard, And They're Making Us Crazy

I've never personally came out and blogged about my breakup, but it's just been too much lately. If it bugs you or you think it's dumb that I'm writing about it, then don't read. Problem solved.

 Does everyone think it's easy breaking up with someone? That it doesn't hurt the one who breaks up with the other person, just as bad or maybe even worse? It shouldn't make me feel this way. I did it for myself. I just felt like I needed to be alone for awhile, that's ALL. But for some reason, people think that there is something behind that story. I cannot stress how much, I JUST WANTED TO BE BY MYSELF. I don't know why it's that hard for people to understand. But because they don't, they've decided to make my life at school as miserable in every way. I just wish things could blow over. We've been broken up for awhile now, and it just shouldn't be like this. Now, it feels like everything is just going wrong. I'm losing the friends who I thought would stay with me through this whole thing. The worst part is, when I talk to my mom or dad about it, they don't even take my side. They blame it on "being tired" or "I told you not to do that 24 hour play, it wore you out" or my personal favorite "if there's nothing to blame you for, then why are you getting so upset?" Yep, love love love the positive energy at the humble abode.

After our 24 hour play project at school, I thought everything was great. Me and Dylan were talking again, just like normal friends. Everything in the air felt right for once in ages. Then I got home. There was a message waiting for me that said "I don't know what your problem is but please refrain from ever talking to me again." Yeah, I was a bit confused. Needless to go into details, things got heated and I've been crying all weekend. Everything is seriously turning against me.

People are just acting so freaking weird lately, and I don't know what to do. I've decided to shut down for the next week or so. No talking to anyone unless necessary, or they're one of the few people I still trust. I wish things didn't have to be this complicated. It's the last full week of my junior year; and for my senior friends, of high school. It should be a happy, joyous time, not a crappy drama filled poopfest. It probably sounds like I'm throwing myself a pity party, but I'm not trying to. I know that I've screwed up in the past week too, trust me. There are things I regret, but when other people go through stuff like this do I give them crap? No. So why should they act so differently with me? People just really confuse me. How can we go from being fine and dandy, to falling apart at the seems?

I just feel like giving up. Throwing in the towel. I know that things will get better, and that at the end of the road everything will make sense. But my God, the journey there SUCKS.

Maybe in due time, summer will come; and wipe away every tear, every hurt, and every screw up. It will come and make everything seem perfect and at peace again. Just a few more days, and I will be there.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
I think.

xoxo,
Kelsey.